The Lady and the Tiger
by Q Illespont
Summary: Sakaki muses on her career path, and how she got there.


Disclaimers: All characters shown are the property of their respective owners.

Written by Q. Illespont

Copyright 2005

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THE LADY AND THE TIGER

I look around the locker room, and sigh. It's been a while, and yet ... it still seems strange that I ended up here, of all places. Getting ready to go out in front of thousands of adoring patrons, waiting to watch me tonight. Paying good money to see me. Last week, we were in Toledo, Ohio. Tonight, it's Moline, Illinois. It took me several weeks before I could really pronounce it, and yet this is my third time in this city. After this, in a few days, on through the rest of the American Midwest. Cities I never learned about in English class are now familiar sights as I work my second year with the company. A girl from Tokyo made the big time in the big bad United States, and it turns out to be me.

Yes, that's me. Under the garish mask, the bizarre costume, and everything else ... plain old me. My name's Sakaki. That's about all anyone really finds out, and anymore I sign my name that way, too. It's really my family name-last name to the Americans that keep coming to see the show. I'm not the biggest star, of course. There are other acts, other parts that they come to really thrill them. Still, seeing those faces light up as I work my magic out in the lights gives me a thrill that I never thought I would feel. It's so gratifying to watch their faces light up as each moment goes past, as I dance my way through the inherent dangers.

The crowd doesn't know Sakaki, though. She's hidden under the outfit, the character, the person that goes out before them and performs for their delight. But I'm still here, under everything. And to watch their faces light up in delight is just priceless. The rougher edges of this job are smoothed when I see even one young child's face break into a wide smile for me.

I remember back when I first started wearing this getup. It was back home, of course. And it wasn't really that I sought it out. It was something of a family tradition, although rather than through my parents, it was my uncle who kept it going. It's actually mostly his outfit, with a few needed alterations for me, of course.

I didn't really think that highly of the business to start with. It seemed too exploitative, too rough, too mean, too brash. I'd hear the tales, and just tune it out through most of my childhood. I think it rubbed off-I soon found it easy to do that with the more trivial things in school, too. Often it's just the usual nattering, gossipping, and who knows what else that was so trivial. I was there to learn, and while there's time for fun, I'd rather not waste ten words when two would suffice. It got me a reputation as a cold, lone wolf, of course. For some, it just made it worse, especially when they found out I was one of the best athletes there. I never really practiced a day, although a few times I'd half-heartedly participate when the family'd try to recreate a few of the more intricate acts. Not dangerously, though-we knew better. Still, I managed to end up naturally well-built, I guess. I didn't try to lord it over people, but being 174 centimetres tall has that effect in Japan.

I actually intended a more scholarly vocation. I started taking courses in veterinary medicine at a local university after school, and found my own apartment where I could live with Maya. The other people still stare in amazement whenever they see the genuine wild cat with me. He's still the sweet kitten I found on Iriomote Island, of course, but some people are easily amazed. Anyway, I found I couldn't afford the rent easily, so I made an arrangement with another student who was studying astronomy at another college. When I found out who it was, I was pleasantly surprised-it was an old friend from high school. Although 'friend' would be overstating it; I think she was mostly just scared of me.

A knock at the door distracts me from that train of thought, and I see a familiar face in the mirror calling out to me. 'Hi there. Getting ready?'

Normally I'd brush off such an inane question from anyone, but for that face, I answer, 'Yes.' OK, some habits die hard.

'It's still weird how you look so ... so ... different like that.'

'I know. It's probably for the best, though.'

'Yeah, I bet.'

I smile at her from under the mask. She still sees through it, as she's seen through anything I've masked in the years we've known each other. I never thought of myself as 'that way', but over time I've found my true feelings for her.

In hindsight, it was priceless, seeing her reaction to finding out I was her new roommate. I was surprised as well to see her, too. I knew she was going off to study farther away, but it was still an odd coincidence that it was her.

'Miss Sakaki, this is your co-tenant, Aida Kaori.'

I bowed politely. Kaorin stammered for minutes before she choked out a quick greeting, her face flushed red at the idea of me living with her. She's gotten better at it, though. Familiarity breeds ... well, contempt isn't the right word, but she's now used to the idea of living with me, even though it's no longer the one-room flat we started with.

As for seeing through my masks, it started back before I put this one on.

It was about three semesters after we'd moved in together. Kaorin still hadn't tried to show me her true feelings, although in that time we'd gotten to be closer friends. And I didn't want to risk losing that, even after I found she was willing to be with someone who kept her side of the room filled with cute plush kittens.

I listened to her describe her studies, but after a while, it seemed like her enthusiasm was waning. She used to stare at the stars at night on the balcony, as best as she could, but soon she'd just flop on her futon and go to sleep. On a good night. And when she wasn't studying or at class, she seemed to be on the telephone, but mostly listening. I worried, but I didn't feel that I could pry into things.

Then, one day, I came home from my class, and saw Kaorin crying in the corner, with several boxes around her. Most of her things were packed away, and as I went to ask what was wrong, she sobbed out that her parents' marriage, which apparently was rocky to begin with, had finally fallen apart. And while the divorce was being settled, they couldn't help her pay the rent on the apartment, so she was going to move out and go back home. And as I saw the sorrow on her face at the idea of moving out, something in me ached for her. I found myself reaching to her, and patting her head the way I'd do for Chiyo-chan. I told her to not worry, that she could stay and that I'd cover it all. I kept saying it for her, that I'd take care of it all, that she could just concentrate on her studies. She looked back at me with amazement in her eyes, adoration for me. I didn't think I was worthy of the love she shone for me then, but I told myself I would try to live up to my promise.

I managed to find part-time work to help with things, but naturally as I tried to keep up with that, my own studies started to falter. Not big enough, but I was sagging. And then came the day we were to examine anatomy. By dissection. We were going to cut open a creature and look at just what was inside, all the organs.

A part of me had been dreading that day ever since I saw it on the course curriculum. I knew in my mind that eventually I could have to perform surgery on an animal, cutting it open so it could survive. I tried to not think about it too much, but it was now before me. And as I held the scalpel, I finally knew that this was not the path for my life. I couldn't bring myself to do that, and I started to realize that as much as I wish I could ... this was not the way for me to go.

I withdrew from the program. I never told Kaorin, though. Instead, I started trying to find more work while I searched for another course of study. One that could take care of everything, one that could support the two of us. I didn't realize it then, but I'd already started thinking of Kaorin and myself as 'us', as inseparable. I didn't know it was what it is now, but even at that point every arrangement I thought of had to fit her in. I couldn't hide it from her that I had dropped out, but I told her everything would be allright. She seemed to accept that, and it was comforting to see her do that. For me, it was just enough to see she was back to striving.

And she was so adorable, sitting at her desk with her lamp on, trying to shade it away from me as I 'tried' to sleep.

Eventually I started running out of options. The jobs dried up, and the rents started going up. I found myself having to do something I thought I'd never do. I went back to my uncle, and asked him if he could get me work in the business. He smiled that knowing smile, and made a few telephone calls, and soon I was learning the ropes.

It wasn't easy, at first, although he started 'helping' out with the rent, too. And soon I was moving up the ladder, until I finally got my first real shot at a show. It was just a small place, a small touring company. I went out, and felt like I didn't know a thing I was doing. None of the routines were natural; I felt like I was forcing everything. I was blushing crimson under the crude mask I was wearing that night. After I went back to the 'backstage' area, I felt like the boss was going to fire me on the spot.

He instead thanked me for a good show and told me to come back for the next one. I don't know how I managed to not jump for joy at hearing I was good enough.

Soon I was steadily working, a regular performer. I was regularly earning money, and my star was rising. Soon I was getting offers to bring my act to other tours, other groups, ones that covered the whole country and those that worked the ever-present crowd in Tokyo. I was soon the main draw, but I had a problem.

I couldn't go out there as myself. I couldn't face the truth that I was doing this for a living, and I rationalized it by pretending it wasn't really me out there. It wasn't Sakaki under the lights, it was someone else. It worked very well, too. So well that I thought no-one would see through the mask.

Until Kaorin went to the show, with a few girls from her class. I never thought she'd go at all, and neither did she, but that time they just about dragged her there that night.

I'd been lucky up to that point. It's a rough business, and accidents happen no matter how careful you are. I hadn't had one up to then. Unfortunately, it's hard to really control when 400 pounds of beast goes awry and ends up in your face. I went down hard, and I couldn't get up for a while until he moved away. I was slow, and obviously hurting. I made it through, and then went straight back without any of the usual flourishes. The crewd knew I was hurting, too. I hated leaving them like that, but I couldn't help it. I went back to the emergency staff, and they did what they could. There weren't any lasting injuries, but I was sore for a week afterward.

Much later than normal, I left the arena with an icepack and some aspirin, and several new bruises. I made it back home and Kaorin opened the door, and then saw how roughed-up I was. And as she looked at me, in the eyes (one slightly blackened), she saw. And she realized just how I was so mauled. She finally figured what I was doing to support us.

She practically babied me in the door and to the futons. She tried stacking them both up so I could have them to myself to rest on that night, gushing over how sorry she was. Sorry that she drove me to this, sorry that I was hurt for her, so sorry and begging forgiveness and promising to do everything she could to comfort me.

Ever since, she's followed the show whenever she could. She even transfered to a school over here in America. She's enrolled in the astronomy program over at Boston College. She had some other offers, but apparently she liked BC best. The scenery, she said, although I think I saw an odd twinkle in her eye at that.

Now I make enough that we can afford a nice house here, too. Nothing outlandish, although it has a decidedly Western feel. No proper genkan, so we make do with the entry hallway. Just a simple one-story place, with a yard almost as big as Chiyo-chan's. I don't get to see it that often, though. I'm on the road so much.

Sometimes Kaorin has to stay at home, and I'll call her, and she'll sing to me in English. Something by John Elton, or Elton John. It's awkward enough getting used to how the names are backward over here without someone who's got a given name as a family name. Or is it the other way around? It's "Rocket Man", though, and I can make out the sentiment through her accent. I've loved that song since I knew what it really meant, the loneliness at times ... but also the fact that I do have a home, someone to return to. Someone with a pronounced accent in English, too, from what they say. Mine's just enough to show I'm Japanese. Or 'exotic', as the promoters say. Not that I'm any more talkative now than I was in the past. They still swear if I was paid per word, I'd be in poverty.

Speaking of accents, I've also heard Chiyo's and Kagura's. They've come over at times, too. Kagura's been in many meets, many sport events. She still represents Japan, and I cheer (quietly) for her. She knows what I do, though. And at first, she was very dismissive. Kagura's competitive; she needs the competition. She feeds on it, but not just the way some over here seem to. She's not in it to show off, to flaunt her superiority. She does drive to be better, but only for the sake of improving herself. I've seen her face the few times she's lost (most of those to me, sadly). It's not bitterness, or envy on her face. It's..it's hard to say, really. But I think she'd rather lose every match for the rest of her life rather than give up competing, even if it's so she always wins.

Kagura always looked at what I do in disdain, as a useless sideshow. As if I were a freak for being in it, wasting my abilities. One time we met, and I invited her back to where we were staying. As we ate, she was again trying to lure me into competition-athletics, business, academics, anything where I could prove I was better. She looked like she was on the verge of tears-I guess to her, this was the lowest thing I could be doing.

Kaori came in then, and sighed. She's always been a caring soul, especially for me, and the eternal protests against what I do for the show have never sat well with her. And she'd apparently had enough, judging from the look on her face. I guess she thought she could finally do something about it. She just walked up to us, and slapped something down on the table in front of Kagura. A free comp ticket, for her. Kaori smiled, and walked away, her statement clear with silence. 'See for yourself.'

Kagura went, and watched. She gazed into the cage I'd entered, and every so often I could looks over and see her face. She was amazed, she was even elated. She still thinks I'd be better in other venues, other things, but she accepts what I do. I've long accepted it-the looks on her face, I'd seen so many times on the children in the audience. And knowing I could bring that smile to a face like hers is so gratifying. So addictive; I don't want to stop doing this.

Kagura's still got a bad accent. She doesn't live over here, she just visits and has enough English to get by. Chiyo, though, is more than fluent. She's got an accent, too. Several. She often slips into the tone and slang of whoever she's with. But when she's with just us, her old schoolfriends, she'll either drop into Japanese (just like old times, almost), or when she's in English, she'll slip into a soft Southern US accent. She's studying linguistics and language theory kinds of things at the University of North Carolina, and we visit there every so often. She comes out to see us all the time. She's actually become a fan since moving out here, but once she saw me, she knew. She later said that it wasn't just seeing my body out there, as much as it was my attitude. She saw how deep down, under the almost feline costume, under the pseudoferocity, she could tell I genuinely cared about the ones out there with me, no matter what they might appear to be doing to me. She, Kaori, and Kagura are the only ones who know I do this, though. Kaori and I still write back to Tomo, Koyomi, and Ayumu every so often, and they know we've finally become serious lovers, but it's hard to keep track. We're about as far from the Pacific as we can get here.

A knock on a nearby doorpost brings me back to the present. I look over at Kaori, smiling sweetly up to me. She's so adorable, especially in her outfit. Tonight she'll come with me into the arena, escorting me in. Sometimes they set it up so she's a 'damsel in distress' for me to 'rescue', but tonight she'll just gaze on in amazement at me, her charge. We do often kiss out there; the audience doesn't seem to mind, although I get a number of offers from fans to be with them. I just wish it wasn't so often girls writing them to me.

We start walking out. I look again at myself in the mirror, and see someone else. In a way, it helps, this mask. It lets me still be myself. Once I leave here, I'm back to Sakaki. Others aren't so lucky. Mark can never really let go of his persona. I wonder how he manages to ever catch a snack, or go anywhere without being the centre of attention immediately. I can still share coffee with Kaori and not get stared at. I could rarely do that in Tokyo-there I was a giant. Here, I'm..well, still tall, but not that noticable. I've had to look up at people for the first time in years. At least I've topped out at 175.

I'm distracted the whole way. It's good Kaori's there, I'd probably walk into a wall. That'd look very bad to the fans. I just can't help but ponder the double life I lead. It reminds me of an old story from Western literature. I can't remember all of it, or even the teacher (whenever I mention the class, Kaori shivers and gets incoherent, so she can't help). I just remember that a man was given a choice of two doors. Behind one was a lady, and behind the other, a tiger. I don't remember why he was there, but I feel like my life is the same. There is the door leading to the lady, and one to the tiger. The door is the mask. Take it off, and you get Sakaki, a simple lady, nothing extraordinary. Put it on, and you get the tiger, the one who paces with almost feline agility, adroitly wearing around larger, stronger brutes, yet still controlling them. The mask symbolizes the change. Yet I know I can always set it aside and become Sakaki again, leave behind the roughness, the garishness, and just be me again. Adore the things I love, love the things that mean the most to me. It started when we needed money. Now, it's because we need to do it. It's in my blood, no matter how many litres of it I may end up leaving behind some day. I used to tell myself and Kaori that I could stop anytime, that I could just set the mask aside and always be Sakaki. But I can't, I know. It's part of me now.

And as I feel Kaori's soft hands on my arm, feel her lean against me as we approach the lights, I feel like she's not hugging the mask. She's not loving that. She loves me, mask or no. And I feel comforted, as if nothing bad can happen out there as long as I can come back to her.

Before we go out on the floor, she gives me one quick kiss. It's her good luck charm for me, and I have to admit that there hasn't been another accident since she started sending me off that way. I can't kiss that well in this thing, but she can see the love in my eyes. I'm ready.

The music swells as we come out. The spotlight shines on us as the announcer stands in the centre of the ring, heralding our arrival.

'And now, being accompanied by the Cat Keeper, Kaori Aida ...

'The WWE Cruiserweight Champion, Tiger Mask!'

The crowd roars again ...

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Notes:

Yes, this is my first fic in..a long time. Can't say just how this was inspired, but here it is.

'Tiger Mask' was mentioned in a wrestling article; one thing it mentioned was that he was one of the few modern masked wrestlers who's managed to keep his real identity secret. So I figured, as long as no-one else was him ...

And yes, I do use 'Aida' as Kaori's family name. Until something better comes along, I guess it's open season-much like Sakaki's given name (I've seen two fics do decently with it, and one whiff very badly).

Hope you enjoyed ...


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